Personal Post Break From Blogging

As you may have noticed, I have taken a hiatus from personal posts here. We have had quite a different life since grandmas passing in July, read more to find out what we have been up to since then!

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The Day My Three Year Old Broke My Heart With Grief

I have taken a hiatus from personal posting lately. Since grandma passed we have been focused more on spending time with little man and making up for lost time he never got being more home bound than a typical child. While he initially was taking her death better than expected, lately he has been showing signs of being a grief stricken little boy who has no real idea of death or how to cope. I can’t say that I blame him, being an adult I sometimes still can’t cope or process death.

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To My Son

How do you start writing a letter to your son that you don’t want to? How do you tell him of the evils in this world called selfishness, ungratefulness, stubbornness to a fault.. I am not even sure where to begin. I just desperately hope that he will never have to read a letter like this. I hope by the time he is old enough, this will have been just another “rough patch” in our nearly perfect lives. I hope things will have changed by then, but if not.. here we go.

To my son,

Words cannot express how much you have changed my life. You have made me want to be a better person. You have taught me patience, and understanding. You have taught me that moods change, sometimes in the blink of an eye, so get over it quickly. You have taught me the power of a snuggle, and the effects of a laugh. You have also taught me that sometimes people are a pain in the keester, but love them anyways. You have taught me that sometimes a stern “no” is just as effective as a whoop whoop. You have taught me that sometimes I need to drop what I am doing and give someone a kiss or a hug. You have taught me a lot in the 21 months you have been alive. But now I need to teach you something important. Life.

As of right now, your paternal grandmother is not in your life. It has NOTHING to do with you. She has made the choice to not see you grow. Not watch you learn. Not see the traits you have inherited from your parents because of us. While it does break our heart to not have her in our lives, it is for the better. She has made the choice to disown us out of a pure power trip.

Your great grandmother has lived with us since you were born. You are the light in her life. We truly believe if you were not around, she would have no reason to keep her grasp on reality. She is slowly sinking into a mental health disease known as Alzheimer’s. We have made the choice to keep her with us in our home as long as possible. Your grandmother believes that she needs to be in a nursing home, and we refuse. Her reasons are as selfish as they can come. Money. She believes your great-grandmother should be in a home, not because she is incapable of functioning normally anymore, but so she is not helping us out financially.

Since we have noticed her decline in mental health, we have made the decision for me to stay at home with you both instead of returning to work full time. Since we feel she is not ready for a nursing home, but needs to have an eye kept on her, it would cost between $10-$20 PER HOUR to have someone sit with her while we both work. On average, that is almost $3,000 a month in case you end up being really bad at math. Plus adding up daycare for you, the extra cost of gas, a possible second car… You can see how it is a dumb financial decision for me to work right now. So yes, your great-grandmother helps us out financially, but being her care taker on top of being a parent to a toddler is no easy feat. Do not get me wrong, I love being home with you and her all day, but there are times when I need a glass of wine, which you probably noticed doesn’t happen too often.

This last “disownment” of us by your grandmother, is not the first. She is so set against your great grandmother living with us that anything will set her off and result in her not seeing you in months. It is now January of 2014, and she has missed the 2013 seasons of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years with you already. We have tried on numerous occasions to reconcile with her for your great grandmothers, and your sake. She is not having it. The last conversation I had with her (in which I called her in a feeble attempt to fix the so dangerously broken relationship) resulted in her compulsive lying showing through, I could not deal with it and handed the phone off to your father. Everything came back to money with her, and she ended the conversation by saying she never wanted anything to do with us ever again, and hanging up.

You see, right now (and for a while actually) we have had your great grandmothers power of attorney. What that means is, in the event that she can not make her own decisions, we make them for her. Since we live together, we really are the best people to make the decisions. Your grandmother wants to be her power of attorney, but wants none of the care taking responsibilities that come along with it. She wants your great grandmothers income, but does not want to be the one to change her depends every morning for her. She wants the “perks” without having to put the effort into earning those. There is a whole lot more to this story.. and someday will explain everything to you, should you want to hear. But you need to hear the truth, not what others ‘want you to hear’.

The thing you need to take away from this is, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Sometimes people are stubborn, power hungry, and can not step away and evaluate the situations that have been dealt and see they are wrong. Sometimes in life you meet people that aren’t the best to aline yourself with, and sometimes its unfortunate that it is family. The most important thing to remember, is that the people WORTH being in your life, will be in your life. Remember that son. Remember that the people who love you.. I mean REALLY love you, will fight to be in your life. And when they do, let them in. And keep them in. If they give up on you, they aren’t worth the hassle they will eventually bring.

I love you now, and I always will. At the end of the day, you are my baby and I will do what I need to do to protect you from the pains this world can offer. No matter the cost.

Love,
Mom

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A New Year…

Three New Years ago, my life had begun to change. Little did I know exactly how much it was going to. We have been through a lot in the last three years, good’s, bad’s, up’s, and down’s. Some had made us better people, some not so much…

Three New Years Eve’s ago, Chad asked me an important question right before the ball dropped. To give us an ‘official’ title of being together. We had been on our first date months before, but weren’t exclusive to each other. We had just gotten out of relationship and I wasn’t looking for anything serious again right away. Over the next few months, I had some thoughts, made some choices, said some things, made some mistakes, but realized he was worth a try. When he asked, I said yes. From that point on we were basically inseparable, with the exception of working hours…

On July 31, 2010 the little pink lines on the stick I peed on showed up, 8 months after becoming exclusive, and we had begun our family. He was happy. My thoughts were unsure.. I knew I loved him, but it hadn’t been long enough to have him to myself to be satisfied.

Not long after he was born, I had found out I was not returning to my job. It was a shock. Here I was with a newborn and no job anymore. I knew it was going to be rough. Not only had I had to adjust to having this teeny tiny human who NEEDED me, I was going to be thrown off my routine of going to work everyday. I searched for a new job for what seemed like entirely too long. None would provide the money it would take to offset the cost of the car insurance (we had two vehicles), gas, daycare…… We would basically be losing money by me returning to work full time.

We ended up selling both of our cars and taking a car note to buy one that would be safe and reliable enough for the baby, and us. He had an old POS Galant that was WAY too loud, and I had my precious 2 door Cavalier convertible that needed a new top. Neither were the cars we wanted our precious little baby boy riding in. (It broke my heart to get rid of that car, and I WILL have another one, it might take 6 years, but it will happen. There is nothing like the feeling of riding around on a warm summer day with the top down.. ah the memories)

Then we realized just how important it was for me to stay home. In the time it took from when I first meet grandma, until we realized looking for a job wasn’t worth it in the end, we had begun to see the decrease in her mental health. It wasn’t enough to put our finger on, but we knew there was something going on..

Over the next few years, it steadily declined, not enough to make the decision to have her put in professional care, but just enough for us to notice being around her so much. Between her cancer checkups, and routine visits, everything came back normal. During a visit to the hospital from what started as a UTI, and progressed to sepsis, later this year, a CAT scan came back with an answer. They had found “voids” in her brain that is commonly associated with Dementia patients. We set up her NeuroPsych testing for beginning of January, which was the earliest we could get her in, to see the progression of her disease and get treatment started if applicable for her case. It can’t come soon enough for us.

Lately, over the past few weeks, her auditory and visual hallucinations have become quite the nuisance to us. Not harmful, just annoying. If you have not read the Story of Mary, please click HERE to read it.

Back? OK good. Mary being here isn’t really an inconvenience, I mean, its not like she is eating us out of house and home… I just wish there was a way to “kick her out” without being the beyotch about it all.. but alas, you cant kick an imaginary/dead/hallucination (whatever she is) out of a house lol

Now we just wait to see what the doctors have to say about the progression of her Dementia and go from there. Hopefully the plan of action of is a treatment plan that can slow down the progression, and restore a little bit of her sanity (and mine!).

I hope the new year brings you all peace, joy, and many more up’s than down’s. More change in your pocket, and love in your hearts. I hope you gain the patience to deal with the cruelties of the world and the ability to laugh at your downfalls, but just enough to learn from them. Most of all, I wish you find a reason to smile at least once a day. Because even though Obama is still in office, life is still alright. 

First Time In The Snow

Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks for stopping by today! So earlier this month, I was debating on if I wanted to get lil man snow apparel just yet. I sure didn’t want to go spend the money on snow stuff and have it NOT be used this year. Then it snowed for a few days, and I thought I would get it. I took him for a walk once, and the snow started melting to nothing. Well, last week it started up again!

I bundled him up and put the leash on the dog. We headed out to the dog park they built just outside of our complex and I let them roam… I then realized the two things I hate about winter (other than the obvious. Its cold, and it sucks to drive in). One; My kid loves the snow. He didnt want to come in. Two; The dog loves the snow too. I had to make them both come in because the dogs paws were so frozen he couldn’t walk anymore.  This pretty sums up our time outside. walking and talking without a care in the world!!

I love these two, but I think we need a backyard where I can just shoe them BOTH out and not have to go with them lol

Webcam Fun

Before you get all weirded out, its not naughty webcam fun.. its toddler webcam fun. What do you get when you let your toddler look at your laptop? Him saying “hiii babbby” to the screen with his picture as the background. Since he is just starting to put together sentences this went on for about 10 minutes before I thought about letting him see himself with the webcam. It was just too funny to see his reactions that I had to record a few videos of him reacting to himself. I just wish I would have recorded his reactions at the playbacks because those were even funnier!

When this kid is sweet and funny… loving him comes all too natural and I realize how lucky I am to have this kid. Then right now, as I type, this is happening.. (all because I told him no more juice tonight. I get those 6 packs of Mondo juice for a buck at family dollar and he’s allowed one a day).

So he had a mood swing by the time I could upload the first video, and type a paragraph. Does anyone elses kid go from 0 to crabass so quick??

Pumpkin And A Blog Hop

So this week we carved lil man his first pumpkin. He went to the Orchard with grandmom last week and brought home a pint sized pumpkin. After we carved it, we put a tea light candle in it and let him see what it was all about. He spent the time watching it saying “Hot” and doing his “wooow” whisper.

Hiya Snappers! Welcome back to the 24th week of the Tattler Thursday Blog and Social Network Hop!
It’s time to tattle and hop!
It’s a share your crazy, gross, hilarious, in-the-trenches parenthood stories, or any tattle that you may want to share with us, that has nothing to do with kids, kind of blog hop! We love funny stories and we want to hear yours! You don’t have to have kids to participate!
Just leave a comment with your story, post not required! So think of your funniest, wackiest or favorite stories, leave a comment  with your story/tattle, follow your Hostesses and Co-Hostesses, visit and discover other blogs, and have fun!
Remember the easiest way to get a follow back is to like/follow other pages and leave a comment! So hop around, tell your friends and share, share, share! This is a hop designed for you to have fun and share! Happy Tattling!

about the Blog Hop HERE!!function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0],p=/^http:/.test(d.location)?’http’:’https’;if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src=p+’://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js’;fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document, ‘script’, ‘twitter-wjs’);

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This week’s Featured Blogger is Joules from Pocketful of Joules.  Joules has been blogging since March 2011 on everything from losing a job, finding a new one, selling a house, buying a house, moving twice, getting pregnant and popping out a baby 2 months early. She’s a full time working mother, a blogger, a DIYer, a writer and a gourmet marshmallow eater.  Be sure to pay her a visit!

To be picked as next week’s featured blogger of the week, and to be eligible for October’s Tattler’s Studio featured post on W3G, all about you and your blog, simply comment on one of the three Hostesses blogs with a funny, silly, gross, scary, wacky, or crazy kid story!

The Rules are:
1- Follow Your Host and Co-Hostesses
2- Grab the button and display it on your blog or hop page/section
3- Leave a comment with a funny, wacky, or gross kid story/tattle
*Be Sure to Hop over to other blogs and visit/network and share the Hop

*Have fun Hopping! (and come back next week!)


 Your Hostesses
The Wild and Wonderful World of GingerssnapsComfytown Chronicles

The Co-Hostesses
THE DIRTY DIAPER      

I'm No Hum Drum Mum    Complete Bliss Blog

 BabyForScale     


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***If you have any questions or suggestions, you can reach us at tattlerthursday@gmail.com***

Are You Ashamed?

So everyone has been talking about this Maria Kang thing lately. Naturally, I need to put my two sense in about it all. If you haven’t seen the picture that has caused a major uproar, here it is. Apparently this picture depicts two different types of messages to women all around.

1. Hey look at my hot bod while you are fat!
2. Hey get yourself motivated and you can look this good too!

Some mom’s caused an uproar saying that she is “shaming” mom’s who dont look as good as she does after she had three children. I know I sure as hell dont even after one. I also know that is completely my fault. While I may not be COMPLETELY satisfied in my post-baby skin, it’s mine. I make up for the baby flab with a cute face. And I am OKAY with it. Are there some days where I wish I was back to my 100 pound frame I had in high school, um yea! Do I realize I could take the time to get it back if I REALLY wanted it.. yep! Am I super jealous that she looks damn good after three kids, while I am toting around some extra weight from the birth that happened 18 months ago, yes. But only to the point where it is “I am jealous but wont put you down for it” kind of jealousy. Not the “I am jealous and hate everything you do” type. 
So what did I do you ask. I went to her facebook page and Liked it.  You can do it too, click HERE. Nevermind the fact she has over 150,000 likes on her page. Nevermind the fact that she posted a picture like this.  Just mind the fact that we as women, should be supporting one another on anything we choose to do. She is choosing to have a healthy lifestyle. Mad props to her for doing it. She is choosing to be in shape, kudos for whipping your vessel back into shape so soon after baby number three.  She even went on to apologize for this, when to me, she shouldnt have, but did it anyways to show the haters she really isnt a bad person. 
Here is what her latest post said (I DID COPY AND PASTE IT STRAIGHT FROM HER FACEBOOK LINKED ABOVE!!)
I’ve been getting an influx of new followers, emails and comments (on my profile pic) recently. Some saying I’m a bully, I’m fat-shaming and I need to apologize for the hurt I’ve caused women. I get it. SO here’s my First and Final Apology:

I’m sorry you took an image and resonated with it in such a negative way. I won’t go into details that I struggled with my genetics, had an eating disorder, work full time owning two business’, have no nanny, am not naturally skinny and do not work as a personal trainer. I won’t even mention how I didn’t give into cravings for ice cream, french fries or chocolate while pregnant or use my growing belly as an excuse to be inactive.

What I WILL say is this. What you interpret is not MY fault. It’s Yours. The first step in owning your life, your body and your destiny is to OWN the thoughts that come out of your own head. I didn’t create them. You created them. So if you want to continue ‘hating’ this image, get used to hating many other things for the rest of your life. You can either blame, complain or obtain a new level of thought by challenging the negative words that come out of your own brain.

With that said, obesity and those who struggle with health-related diseases is literally a ‘bigger’ issue than this photo. Maybe it’s time we stop tip-toeing around people’s feelings and get to the point. So What’s Your Excuse?


Does this sound like the person who is trying to “shame” other women into feeling bad they still have a few extra pounds. I think she was very well said when she states “What you interpret is not my fault, it’s yours”. It is our fault! I COULD feel bad I dont look as good as her, or I could say “Hey girl! Go on with your bad self!”

Why arent we trying to put down Jennifer Garner, Melissa Joan Heart, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Kelly Preston, Jessica Alba, Denise Richards…. OKAY OKAY you get my point.  They all lost the pounds after their little tykes were born.  Denise Richards lost it in 6 weeks… What the hell is my excuse??? I’m just plain lazy.. end of story. Nobody is shaming me into feeling bad that I haven’t lost the weight yet, and nobody should feel ashamed. We all should encourage others that if that is something they want to get it! I really believe that is all she was trying to do. 

How fast did you lose baby weight? Do you still have some or were you a diehard like Maria and said NO WAY!